There Is Strenth In The Struggle.. A Year To Remember

Today I change.

Today is the beginning of a new beginning.

Today is the day that I can say I can start new and refreshed.

Today I can be the best me that I was meant to be

A year has gone by and I have yet again turned another year older. Is there a pause button? Is there a way to stay 18, 22, 28? To stay young forever. Stop the ageing, stop the children from growing up, to stop the feeling like I am loosing my youth.

In the past year life has been so altered. It is glorious and painful. It is humbling and cry worthy. In a year from this day in 2013 life has had miracles, it has tested me time and time again. The devil has tempted me, he has told me my faults, he has told me time and time again that I will not make it and that I am not good enough. But let me tell you the Lord has prevailed HE has lifted me and strengthen me. He has tested me too, yet I know that "Holy is the Lord God almighty!".  You wouldn't believe the year that has been so filled with stumbles, struggles, failures and yet it has been so blessed beyond our ability to comprehend. How can there be so much hurt and so much joy at the very same time?

Here is my example of how life can be so changing in only a year.

I look back one year ago and see so much excitement for the future. 4 months pregnant celebrating the 238th Birthday of the United States Navy (Hooyah) with some of the most amazing friends and hundreds of men and women under one rood who serve in our U.S. Navy; celebrating and remembering those who have and do serve and those who are not able to celebrate with us. Today I not only celebrate the Navy's birthday but my 27th Birthday as well. We have one amazing little boy who is 2 years old....Wow time has flown... And what an amazing miracle of a baby boy #2 on the way. Life is great, yes we have daily struggles, but there is nothing really causing hardship. During this time it was a constant tug at my heart. I knew in less than a year I would be leaving our home. Our 3 years would be up and that means pull up those roots (that as a military spouse you don't let grow too deep) and move on to meet new people, make new friends, find a new community and leave everything else behind.

Fast forward to March. We welcome our amazing baby boy into the world. It was a miracle, quick 1 1/2 hour delivery and only 3 rounds of pushing until our sweet baby came into the world. Grandma and Grandpa flew in just in time to pick up our two year old son and baby had arrived. We were blessed by friends, family and the family who isn't actually family during this time. Taking care of us sending us prayers, love, meals, support. Women who I knew well and women I barley knew supported us and loved on us. A women who I knew from my MOPS group and our church nursery where I worked came and brought us dinner, cereal, treats, enough for multiple days and an amazing presence of encouragement and love. (Thank you Jaye for being an amazing Mama to your two babies who I was fortunate enough to love on every Sunday!)

Less than a month later our struggles really started testing us. June 1st was coming quick. D Day is coming...PCS date (permanent change of station...aka moving day). Prep is in full swing, purging of the house getting rid of junk that has been pilling up for 3+ years. Father-in-Law and Mother-in-Law (AKA Grandpa and Memo) come into town for what has become and annual beach week and eat all the yummy seafood you can eat week. Day one of arrival a random thunderstorm turns our life into chaos. The houses is flooded. I tell myself "keep a happy face, stay positive, don't let this break you down, be the strength the family and world needs to see you being".   4 weeks until movers come to pack up our belonging and this place we call home. Our property management company evicts us do to the house being uninhabitable from a natural disasters... "Dear Mr. and Mrs. Grooms you have 7 days to vacate the property". There is not a care for our 2 year old child, our belongings, even our 1 month old baby boy. "Keep it together, you can cry when no one else is watching because you will be strong enough to hold everyone else up, you will be the strength others can pull from".

Miracles happen. Movers had a cancelation and were able to come prior to eviction date, 2 sets of friends go on vacation and we are able to house sit for both family for 3 weeks until our move date.

About 2 weeks before we move our car breaks down. and when I say breaks down...it dies, like it is never gonna come back to life dies. No one is hurt (thank God) it just stops running. We are prepared for a 3 week endeavor to my sister-in-laws house then driving to our new home with 2 children, me, my husband, 2 dogs, a cat, and a months worth of supplies and now, down to one car.

And the time finally comes to rip up roots and say goodbye. Good byes are hard enough; as a military person we create our communities, we know that in 3-4 years our communities will change. We will leave, we will make new friends, we may even run into old ones along the way. "Never dig too deep, let your roots grow...but not to much. Keep yourself guarded." But let me tell you, ripping these roots, they were hard...like break down to your knees and bawl your eyes out hard. Feeling of real pain from leaving the community that has changed from guarded friends to chosen family. The sisters that you never had. The women who have completely changed you, they have been your support, your cheerleaders, they tell you the truth even when you don't want to hear it. They build you up, they test you , and push you to your limits, to help to make a better you. A better women, wife, mother. Their families become your family. Your husbands are friends, your children go to be and wake up talking about the other children. They are the friends where you can sit and talk in Starbuck until it closes then walk around target until 10 when they close, and transition to the cars to talk for 2 more hours. Or sit on the couch for hours without saying words and still feeling like it was the best day ever. Those friends who are family are hard to leave. You leave and you ripe up the roots that are way to deep to pull; all of your belonging (meant for two cars) into one with animals, children, and us and drive out of town for one of the hardest rides I can remember. We were lucky to have a wonderful visit with my sister-in-law and her family. We were so amazed and appreciative of their hospitality. Along the way our poor kitty got very sick and had to be put down..."can life keep getting worse, so much is piling on, gotta keep it together, but I really can't keep this bottled up much longer".

Did I mention through this whole time we still have not received our deposit check from our property management, did I mention that we have not received the half months rent we were to be refunded (30 days is the amount of time they had to return our money). It took 2 months of constant calling to get our deposit back. We were eventually told we would not get our money back from the half of the month we were not in the house. Even though by law  they had no reason to keep it. Life has finally caught up with me at this point.

1. Flood
2. Eviction
3. Money tied up
4. Movers
5. Car dies
6. Leaving loved ones
7. Kitty dies
8. Legal action with property management?
9. Find a home
10. Move into a home
11. Car (the only one left) gets hit in a parking lot the first week in our new home.
12. Break my ankle

Life has tested time and time again. Throwing things at us right when we think it cant keep throwing stuff at us. But every time God creates a way for things to get better. For us to heal. For us to get ahead. For us not to struggle. Everything in the end has worked out to the best that it can. We ended up getting all of the money we were owed. When I broke my ankle my father was able to come out and help, and even better news was they found that my ankle wasn't broken! We have two amazing miracle children We have a roof over our heads. We have food at the table. We are not sick. We have jobs. We have family that supports us. We have friends who through the miles still are right there for us to support and encourage and love us.

These years have been the best years and every year there is another glorious revolation in my life. This year through these struggles (and there were many) there is so much I can look back at and realize I have been so blessed in my life this year.

1. I can praise God every day, freely.
2. I celebrated 8 amazing years with my husband
3. My oldest baby turned 3; he is mischievous, he is smart, he is handsome (like his daddy).
4. We welcomed another blessing in our life. Another gladiator, big, strong (chunky) baby boy.
5. We are healthy.
6. My husband comes home everyday! He fights for our freedom, and he is safe.
7. I  have a husband who loves me in my worst of times.
8. I have friends that I can call family in every time zone across the US.
9. I have family that supports me and loves me.
10. My marriage is the strongest it has ever been. Through the struggles and the pain and the turmoil we are STRONGER.
11. I have a forgiving, loving, merciful God who tells me that I am perfect exactly how I am.

PS did I mention I found 2 gray hairs. But did I also mention I definitely earned them :)

With Love Always,
Beautiful

Todays soundtrack  "Holly is the Lord God Almight" (Chris Tomlin-Holy Is The Lord (Live))
"My hope is in you Lord all the day long. I wont be shaken by drought or storm." (Aarom Shust-My Hope Is In You)