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Chaos


Somedays it seems like all you do is struggle. Struggle to control things that are outside of your control. Tonight was that night. Constant back and forth between the baby crying and just wanting to be held. And yelling at a 3 year old who had to be told ten times to pick up his toys, eat his dinner, not to hug his brother too tight around his neck, get on the phone and pay attention to Grandma and Grandpa, no you cannot have more to drink and stop stealing drinks or you are going to have an accident in your bed.

Constant back and forth between two over tired and over excited children. And it's the one night Daddy actually goes out and gets to have Daddy time that this happens. I had the best laid plan. Made Mac and cheese for Aiden. Noodles and steamed carrots for Maximus. All ready to go while Aiden played at his friends house. It was going to be movie night and cuddle in Mommy and Daddies bed until they fell asleep night. That is one of my favorite times. Just relax and cuddle with my babies.

Then chaos.

Screams, cries, spankings and time out happen. No movie. Bed early. And all Mommy wants to do is break down and cry because this fabulously planned night failed....

Which means of course I failed. Miserably. Lost my cool and lost my ability to realize what the kids needed. Which of course made me feel like the kids are gonna hate me. Who's going to love a Momma who yells and can't get it right?

Now as I am rocking my baby to sleep and all he wants is to be in my arms. I can step back and realize the reasoning behind the behaviors my children were having. The excitement from playing with friends and the excitement for seeing all the elephants, giraffes, zebras and monkeys at the zoo tomorrow. Realize the over tired look on the babies face while he was yelling at me. Realize I needed to breath and take a moment to figure out why all of the chaos was happening and switch courses. But also realize at the end of the day my babies still loved me. Through my failed ability to be the perfect mom I was still enough.

And that my friends is Beautiful!


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