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First In The Race Feels Like Last Place

Did you ever think that first place would be the worst place for you to be? First place is normally the winner. The person you want to be. First place in the basketball tournament, cheer competition, 5k, marathon, first person to get a degree, a car, a career, a promotion, find the love of your life, the first person in line for the chocolate cake (or if you are my husband the newest game or game consol) 😊.
First place is the winners circle. Everyone wants to be you and everyone wants to be around you.

Did you ever think that first place sometimes can make you feel lost or alone. Think about the first person to hit puberty, first boy to have a voice change, or body changes. First girl to get a bra, period, growth spurt putting you taller than all the boys, first person to get achne, boyfriend, heart break, marriage, pregnancy, children. The thing you may not consider being in first place is having to go through the firsts alone without knowledge that what you are going through, all your friends will go through too.

I realize now that as a child I hit those firsts a lot. I was the first girl to get a bra (not that you would think that now haha), the first girl I knew to get my period, definitely not the first girl to have a boyfriend 😜, I stopped growing first and ended up being short. I had a fantastic mother who talked to me about different things my body did. But I did not have others my age who went through these changes when I did. I felt weird and out of place. By the time people had the changes I did, I had a hard time discussing these changes with people because I had it first and felt strange in my own skin.

Now as an adult I realize that the changes I go through are a great resource for those who have not had these changes in their lives. I realize that we can be each others support system. Verses being scared or ashamed of how we change and hitting those firsts. The highs of marriage but also the things you need to work through. How those struggles will make you stronger. How you both are constantly growing and changing and sometimes it takes patience and communication to understand. How there will be disagreements and misunderstandings but you will work it out, if you are willing to work! Women who become pregnant can find support from each other because we realize others have gone through exactly what we are going through. I feel good being able to tell people the things I didn't know. Like my feet grew and didn't go back. That I call my stretch marks battle scars and that they symbolize the love and sacrifice that I would do again for my babies. The way that breast feeding can HURT! That you will never sleep the same way again but somehow you survive and thrive. That you may have countless struggles but you will have many wins that make up for it. That you are not alone and what you are feeling is not just you.

So in a way my first places have made a way to learn, grow and help others. I guess that really does make me a winner in first place.

And that my friends is BEAUTIFUL!

XOXO

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